There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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