I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
