For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like a drive thru vagina
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
