Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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