I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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