cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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