So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
