I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
