i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
