you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My ass is underappreciated
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
