You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
