May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
