I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
