He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
