I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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