you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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