Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
