he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
