you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
