Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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