I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
