it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
