dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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