And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
