Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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