I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
