I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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