we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
