You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
