Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm going to jail i love you
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
