What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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