i love accidental penises.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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