You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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