I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
