Sponge bath it is.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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