I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
