you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
