I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
