I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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