I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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