perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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