I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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