somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
