If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just want to make out with him forever
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
