Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
