soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
