you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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