remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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