Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
