I'm lost and stupid without you.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
