i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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