My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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