I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
