Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
