Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
