I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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