Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
