i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's blow job season.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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