i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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