I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
