Pappa wants mamma naked
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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