He kissed a someone with a penis
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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