Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
